every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
my liver is dry heaving
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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