I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
