My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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