JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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