I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
