No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
