I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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