i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
