I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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