i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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