I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
