She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
