sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
