And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Randomize
