sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
