Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
