It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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