So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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