It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
