it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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