I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
