i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
