and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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