I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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