dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
