its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
