one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You may now shotgun with the bride
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
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