I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
