I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
