They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
