Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
