I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
