sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
