i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
