dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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