Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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