I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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