we have pet lesbian snakes
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
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