I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
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all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
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He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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