census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
