Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
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There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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