turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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