I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
