i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
