Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
