I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
