So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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