So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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