i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
