Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
