I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Randomize
