covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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