Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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