I got chris browned last night
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Farmville is her only friend.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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