I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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