I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
