I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I AM VODKA MAN
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
