yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
