i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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