You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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