i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
