thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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