woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You made out with two different species that night
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
