Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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