I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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