dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
