So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
