things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
