does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
