the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
