She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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