You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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