I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
