i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
