Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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